Ep. 10: Threatened Much?
Being labeled “intimidating” is one of the most common experiences confident women have at work and one of the most misunderstood. It’s rarely about what you’re doing wrong and almost always about how others are interpreting power, authority, and confidence.
This episode breaks down why intimidation gets projected onto women, when it actually works in your favor, and how to use it strategically instead of fighting it.
1. “Intimidating” Is Often Just Unfamiliar Authority
When people aren’t used to women speaking clearly, holding eye contact, or not over-explaining, they read it as cold or unapproachable. Men with the same traits are labeled decisive or commanding. The difference isn’t behavior, it’s expectation.
If you’re calm, direct, and don’t perform friendliness on demand, some people will fill in the blanks themselves.
2. Resting Bitch Face Is a Negotiation Tool
A neutral expression isn’t a flaw. It’s a poker face.
In negotiations and high-stakes conversations, being unreadable forces the other side to talk more, reveal more, and second-guess their position. That discomfort often gets labeled as “she’s intimidating,” when in reality, it’s just a loss of control.
3. Respect vs. Being Liked Is a Trade Off
Being liked feels safer, especially early in your career. Being respected creates authority.
People who prioritize being liked often soften feedback, avoid tension, and overcompensate emotionally. People who prioritize respect are clearer, firmer, and less performative and that shift can make others uncomfortable. Intimidation is sometimes just the side effect of choosing respect.
4. Insecurity Gets Loud Around Confident Women
Some men interpret confident women as competition instead of collaborators. When a woman speaks up, challenges ideas, or leads without apology, insecure people experience it as a threat rather than value.
That reaction says more about their internal hierarchy than your presence.
5. You Don’t Need to Eliminate Intimidation,You Need to Control It
The goal isn’t to become softer or smaller. It’s to be intentional.
In leadership or negotiations, intimidation can establish authority quickly.
In collaboration or team-building, a touch of warmth can create psychological safety.
The skill is knowing when to lean in and when to dial it back not erasing the trait entirely.
6. If You’re Being Called Intimidating, Look at the Context
Ask yourself:
Are you being clear and direct?
Are you holding boundaries?
Are you not managing other people’s emotions?
If yes, the label may actually be confirmation that you’re operating from confidence instead of approval-seeking.
Being intimidating isn’t a character flaw. It’s often what happens when a woman stops shrinking herself to fit someone else’s comfort level.
And if that makes people uneasy?
That’s not always a problem to solve.
