Ep. 33: Is It Normal to Feel Guilty for Taking a Break?
When Was the Last Time You Were Actually Bored
Not scrolling in bed bored. Not half watching something bored. Actually bored. Nothing on, nothing playing, nothing to look at.
Neither of us could answer it. You fill the silence the second it shows up, and then you tell yourself you rested. You didn't. You just never let the quiet get long enough to feel like anything.
Scrolling Is Not a Break, It's Dissociation
A break is your brain and your body actually winding down. Doomscrolling is your body off and your brain still taking in a thousand things a minute. Bed rotting is the same deal with better pillows.
I'm never bored while being bored. That's what it actually is. You're staying occupied so you never have to sit with doing nothing.
It's Not Boredom. It's the Feeling of Not Progressing.
Ask yourself why sitting still is so unbearable and it's usually not the stillness. It's the tick tick tick underneath it telling you you're wasting time.
That's the whole thing. Doing nothing doesn't feel restful, it feels like falling behind. And you can't relax through that.
Ten Days Off and She Forgot What Her Job Was
A friend flew into town, so one of us took ten days off to actually be present. Great trip. Event of a lifetime. Partied hard. And the entire time, the thing running underneath it was the anxiety of going back.
Then coming back happened and it was a full reboot. Is this thing on. What is my job. Where do I even start. Ten days. People take months. Imagine mat leave.
The Momentum Is the Whole Thing
Being dialed in doesn't happen overnight. It takes weeks to build a rhythm where you're consistently producing and about four days to lose it.
So the fear isn't really about resting. It's about losing the version of yourself that gets things done and not knowing how long it'll take to get her back.
Even Our Breaks Are Just Work in Better Lighting
Think about what your last break actually looked like. A walk where you thought about work. A weekend where you reflected on the quarter. A day off spent planning how to come back stronger.
That's not disconnecting. That's a strategy session with a nicer view. There's no real off switch, there's just work in a softer outfit.
The Book That Told Us We're Never Allowed to Stop
Relentless by tim grover. Michael Jordan, Kobe, the whole top dog framework. Win the championship, take the night, back on the court the next morning. Next mission.
You read that at the right age and it wires something in permanently. Every successful person you admire is telling you stopping is quitting. Then you wonder why a Sunday off feels like a moral failure.
Every Good Idea Shows Up the Second You Stop
Here's the part that makes it stupid. The ideas only come when there's space. You go on a walk to clear your head and suddenly you've got twelve things you want to build.
Which kind of proves the pause is doing something. And we still won't let ourselves have it.
"Did I Need That, or Did I Just Bitch Out?"
Even when a break gets taken, the second guessing starts immediately. Was I actually at my limit, or was resting just more convenient than pushing through.
And the honest answer is you usually can't tell. Your bandwidth grows the more you put yourself through, so the line where you used to break isn't the line anymore. You genuinely don't know where it is now.
We Felt Guilty About Pausing a Hobby
We stopped recording this podcast for a few weeks. Not for a reason. It was just an off day that turned into an off week.
And every single day the voice showed up. Why aren't you doing it. You're being lazy. You're giving up. Over a podcast. That doesn't pay us. That we do for fun. If we can't pause a hobby without spiraling, what chance does anyone have with an actual job.
Nobody Ever Taught Us How to Rest
One of us had every hour of childhood filled. School, then sports, then camp, then the next thing. There was never an empty afternoon. The first real break came from a concussion.
The other had a grandma who said she should be able to get woken up in the middle of the night and still get the math answer right. No slacking, ever. Neither of us can remember a single adult sitting us down and teaching us how to stop. That was never on the syllabus.
Don't Force a Break You Don't Need
If you're not at your limit, you don't have to manufacture rest because the internet told you to romanticize it. Push the bandwidth. Find out what you're actually made of.
But know your boundaries too. There's a difference between pushing and running yourself into the ground, and if you're at the brink, take the break before it takes you. Only you know which one you're doing.
You Don't Need an Occasion
Ten minutes outside with a coffee counts. That's the whole assignment. Not twenty. Nobody has twenty.
And if you go a little crazy the second you stop, you're not broken. You're just wired the way most ambitious people are wired. Stop waiting for a milestone to give you permission to sit down.
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(0:00) When was the last time you were bored? (0:02) I think I've been bored, but then I fill the silence with fucking social media and doomscrolling like I actually haven't been bored (0:09) Yeah, which is really fucked up (0:11) I think we were always bored as kids like we had to use our brain and imagination and like let ourselves be bored (0:17) Yeah, and no one has the option to like not be bored anymore. I can turn on fucking TV (0:22) I can like zoom through things and I like my attention spans all fucky and (0:28) I'm never bored whilst being bored. Does that make sense? I get what you're saying (0:33) You just fill the time so you don't have to feel boredom.Yeah, it's fucking weird. Yeah, I've been trying I the last two days (0:40) I've been trying really hard (0:42) I've been like getting up and going outside just like with my coffee and my cat cuz she loves it (0:47) And I just like coffee and my cat listening to the birds. Oh, yeah for like 10 minutes (0:53) Yeah, cuz I'm someone's like do it for 20.I'm like bitch (0:56) 20 that's crazy. I'll try 10. That's a really good example of taking a break though (1:01) Like that's kind of like what I think when people talk about like taking breaks like that's what they mean.Yeah, I mean like (1:08) Sit on your phone. Yeah, exactly (1:11) and we all take that quite literally just like go like (1:15) Going on your phone and like doomscrolling is considered (1:20) like a break (1:22) It's more of a disassociation (1:24) I think not an actual break cuz your brain doesn't have time to wind down which I think is the definition like a break from (1:31) Using your brain your body (1:34) Just like actually resting. Yeah, and I don't remember the last time unless people are just bedrotting (1:41) But again, your brain's not off your body's off.Yeah, but your brains not yeah (1:46) I think that's just it like what's the difference between disassociating and taking a break? (1:52) Mmm, you're still engaged. You're still in motion in some way. Yeah, and (1:57) Yeah (1:57) Disassociating is like exactly what you were saying where you're just like filling the time with bullshit (2:02) Yeah, as you're just like I have to stay like occupied.I can't let myself like actually do nothing (2:09) it's fucking weird and I I think everyone does it like I don't know many people who like (2:16) Genuinely try to take a break. Like when's the last time you fucking just like (2:20) Nothing bored on plug, I don't know when the last time was that I have a very very hard time taking breaks (2:26) I feel like I just (2:30) Actually physically feel myself going crazy. Yeah, cuz you're is it boredom though? Or is it like you feel like a lack of (2:36) like (2:37) Progression and that's what it is.It's a lack of progression. It feels like I'm wasting time (2:43) Yes impeding the process just like fucking tick tick tick. I'm like, why would I sit and do nothing? I (2:49) Took like the last week and a half off of work in July and I felt (2:56) Insane by the time I came back.I was like I forgot even what my job was like that is way too long (3:01) I will never do that again. I know I saw your story and I was like, what do you mean? (3:05) Oh, I lost it literally don't even know what that's like. What's my job? No, I'm telling you (3:11) That's what it is insane to me, you know, I'll tell you what I mean (3:14) Okay for context a friend came into town.I took 10 days off to be like fully present. I'm like you flew out here (3:20) I got to spend the time right? Yeah, of course and (3:23) Went to the event. Yeah of a lifetime (3:28) and (3:29) Partied hard and it was just like all I thought about was like the anxiety of coming back to work (3:35) Oh, yeah, but other than that, I was like, no you got to be present.La la la, whatever people say and (3:40) And (3:41) Yeah, when I came back, I'm like, holy fuck. I actually don't remember how to like function like what what is my job? (3:48) And 10 days isn't really a long time when you think of all some people take weeks off Matt Lee (3:54) Can you imagine going on Matt leaving coming back? No, I would fucking lose it (4:00) It's like I would like where is my computer like, you know, I do know and I was it was already enough of what do I? (4:07) Do yeah, so I think (4:09) Taking breaks, you know means something different for everybody exactly. But for me, it's definitely like taking a break from work (4:14) I don't even really like taking breaks from work (4:16) Well, exactly and I think that's that's the whole discussion is like do you think that it's a positive thing to take breaks? (4:24) Do you think you should force yourself to take a break if you're the type of person that doesn't really like it? (4:30) Well, I think even we've like spoken about this even like regarding holidays and how people work through it and it's like why the fuck? (4:35) Are you working? Yeah, cuz I like to yeah, and I love to work.I know you love to work, too (4:41) So it's like taking a break from it. It's more I think (4:44) Take a step back to like re (4:48) Like reflect reflect on like what's been going on and like how I can pivot maybe certain things (4:52) Yeah, that's kind of the only way I think about a break. Yeah, but so your break is still work technically though (4:58) you know what I mean, like when you say it like that when you're like, I'm gonna take this time to like (5:05) Still reflect and still plan and still plan for what I'm gonna do or how I'm gonna come back.Yeah, there's no true like (5:12) Disconnect for real. Yeah, and I feel like when people do take true breaks (5:17) Let's say like they go away vacation completely disconnect nature or whatever the fuck anyone (5:22) I know who's like, let's say even gone on like a euro trip (5:25) They come back and they're like my life has changed and I'm like, I really don't want to like feel that like (5:31) Ayahuasca de lulu. I want to come back to earth.I want to be present again (5:35) Yeah, so I feel like if I'm gone too long, I lose it and I can't lose the mojo (5:40) Which again like you lose shouldn't you try? (5:43) Yeah, like do you feel like you lose your work ethic? (5:47) Is that my mojo starts to like dwindle and I like the momentum. Yeah, and (5:53) being like (5:55) Dialed yeah being dialed in motion (5:57) It doesn't just happen overnight like it takes time to get into like a rhythm where you're just like consistently productive (6:04) Yes, so I think that's the biggest (6:08) Reason why it's so hard to take breaks because it feels like you're disrupting your like consistency true (6:14) What do you feel like somebody has to like accomplish before they're allowed to take a break or do nothing? (6:21) This is coming back to a book I read okay called (6:26) Relentless basically if you're a top dog, it's like, okay next (6:29) And when I read that book, I was like fuck. Yeah, I want to be that (6:32) It's like the Michael Jordan's the Andy Fursella's like all these top dogs the Kobe's (6:37) And like they win the championship and everyone celebrates and takes the day takes the month seasons over, you know (6:44) Relax and then get back into it when season starts (6:48) They win the game cool have the night and then the next day they're fucking back on the court like next fucking mission (6:54) Yeah, and I think it really depends on how you want to operate everyone operates so differently or what you want to achieve exactly (7:02) So I think actually no, I shouldn't say that (7:04) I think it's not it doesn't depend on what you want to achieve but it depends on what you want to achieve in what time (7:09) Frame.Yeah, cuz it's like okay, you can set many goals for yourself, right? (7:13) like we talk about making like daily weekly monthly non-negotiables and to do's to hit the end of your goals and (7:21) I (7:21) Think when you hit certain milestones like yeah, like (7:24) Yay, yeah, you take a break and stop your momentum. Yeah, I don't know that seems strange to me (7:31) So I'm like thinking about like let's say okay. Yeah, you hit a million dollars (7:34) Whatever the case may be and it's like do you stop? (7:38) Yeah, you take a break like we'll go celebrate like cheers whatever but then it's like okay back to work (7:45) Yeah, so it definitely depends on the mindset.I think so. That's really difficult. What do you think? (7:51) I feel like literally when I like look back the only time I've ever like taken breaks is when I actually felt (7:59) drained and like I (8:01) Needed to pause because I just was in over my head or something.There's nothing left to give (8:07) Yeah, exactly. Or yeah, I felt like I wasn't (8:11) performing at my best anymore and the only way to (8:15) get back there was to reflect on like (8:18) What's not working? Right? Why am I in this like stuck in this place, but also I'm (8:24) I'm like, I don't even remember the last time I actually like genuinely felt that way (8:28) So it's hard for me to like speak on it now (8:30) But I know that it's happened before where I felt like I was just like at my fucking limit (8:35) Yeah, I need to just like take a breather and I think also when when you're saying like I don't remember the last time (8:41) I did that. I think it's because you've like learned how to like not balance but yeah balance like regulate (8:46) No waiting so to where you can operate at such a level and still be able to like manage.Yeah, it's like right (8:52) Yeah, exactly. I think also your (8:54) Bandwidth like increases the more that you put yourself through (8:59) And so I think before maybe I would have had to step back a lot sooner than now, right (9:06) You know where I would reach my limit so much sooner than I do now (9:09) So it's like I that's the reason I really think like I don't really remember when I needed a break last like I've taken them (9:15) Just for the fuck of it, but it's like not true breaks though again. Yeah, like at the end of the day (9:20) I'm always thinking about work and the next thing and the next thing (9:24) Anytime I even go on like a walk and I'm like supposed to just like chill out (9:28) I feel like talk about work, but that's like when I feel like I get all of my inspiration.It's so true (9:34) That's like it all just comes to me all of a sudden like I started having all these ideas because I feel like oh like (9:39) My mind's like clear and so I think I have space to have more ideas (9:45) That's valid. That's what I mean. I think break I end up like the creative juices actually finally start flowing (9:50) Yeah, so I think that's why it is important to take those pauses.Yeah, like especially for example, I think that's the best (9:56) It's kind of like we needed that we needed the pause. Yeah, I had nothing left to give (10:02) I don't know though. Like this is this such a hard thing for me with breaks.Is that I (10:08) Want to say like all these things but then in the back of my head, I'm always like you're a bitch (10:13) But did I need it? Did I just take it because it was convenient (10:18) It was more convenient than pushing through whatever that was. Mm-hmm. I (10:24) Hear you, you know what? (10:25) I mean, yeah, and so then I always go back to this feeling of just like why is it so fucking hard to just like actually (10:31) relax (10:33) Cuz we're like the men in our lives (10:35) But like why is it so difficult? (10:38) I would love to just be able to relax like I genuinely would fucking Frankie relax (10:44) I just can't I fucking can't I literally feel this like I'll force myself to do it (10:50) But even like what you're saying like in this last couple weeks (10:53) We haven't been doing the pot and we haven't been recording but it's always on your mind my mind (10:58) It's like why am I not doing it? (11:00) Why like, you know, you're just fucking lazy like you're just giving up like you're just yeah (11:05) And it's like the pods just whatever like it's just an example of how that happens (11:09) Happens in every aspect of my life (11:11) Like if I take a break from the gym, for instance in the back of my head (11:15) I'm just like you're a fat piece of shit like literally all the time all the time, right? (11:19) And so it's like and yeah (11:20) I can keep going and just like, you know continue to let my body rest or let my mind rest or (11:26) Reinvest my time and other things, but it doesn't change the fact that in my head (11:30) The thoughts are still there that you're just lazy as yes that you're just being fucking lazy (11:35) Yeah, and so I don't have the answer but this is how I'm feeling (11:40) No, it's good vent away I would love to sit here and pretend like oh my god (11:45) Yeah, that was so good for us (11:46) like we really needed that but it's like maybe we did but but it doesn't change the fact that the voice is still present me (11:53) that I (11:54) Bitched out by taking a breather.Yeah. Well, it's there a hundred percent (11:58) I'm like again like even how I explain with work taking X amount of time off (12:02) I'm like is this thing on like I am like (12:06) rebooting like how we even process doing this type of shit because of taking time off and I think it just throws you off your (12:12) Game and that's why like I think of that book all the time and I'm just like fuck. Yeah, like (12:18) it's it's (12:19) Are we in the wrong, you know for or like are we just that's this is how we've wired ourselves now because of our own habits (12:27) Yeah things that we've been doing over the past however many years like, you know (12:31) You even reading this book for example, like obviously this is (12:36) You trying to stay dialed all the time (12:38) You're trying to get to a certain level in your life (12:41) By a certain time period and this book and all these successful people are telling you like you're not allowed to fucking stop (12:46) Yeah, like or if you stop you're just giving up like don't waste your fucking time.Don't waste your day (12:51) Don't be sitting around watching sports. Make sure you're the one fucking, you know dialed in on your own success and and (12:58) You you get yourself to this point where you brainwashed yourself to a point of just like I can't chill like yeah (13:05) It's not enjoyable anymore (13:06) It's not an enjoyable experience to take time off (13:10) Well, I think that's exactly like that's literally exactly what happens (13:14) I'm like, I don't know if I've like brainwashed myself to thinking it's not enjoyable and I'm like (13:18) Did we just need like a couple days to like chill before we filmed the next episode? (13:23) It just was an off day. Yeah, exactly happen (13:26) Yeah, exactly and then we resulted to like completely breaking which is not breaking but taking a break (13:31) Yeah, and that's fine.Like you can do whatever you want. You will this is also like (13:36) This is like a side gig for us at the end of the day like we have full-time jobs (13:40) So we still make money. We still have all these other things going on in our lives like so (13:46) It's almost like this was the easiest thing to break (13:50) Yeah, because it doesn't actually change (13:54) Anything to be honest like it really doesn't it's like we can still come back whenever we want (13:59) And yeah, it's not like we're making fucking money doing this at this point.So it's kind of like it's a hobby (14:04) Yeah, is it so fucking crazy to take a break from a hobby? (14:09) Like the fact is that sad though? Yeah, exactly (14:11) Like the fact that I'm so judgmental of myself for taking a break off of a fucking hobby. Yeah crazy (14:18) That's so like no shit. I can't take a break from work or like from like actual things that drive revenue in my life (14:27) If I feel this way about something that you know brings no real profit.It just is (14:33) It's like my fucking hobby happiness outlet though (14:37) But but we put it on pause that I can't take a break from is crazy (14:44) But I feel like yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of people that feel this way out there (14:47) That's why I was like maybe this is a good topic for us because I mean I feel the dichotomy of like needing to take (14:53) A break. Should you take a break? I don't want to take a break. I'm lazy like it goes on and on (14:57) When you say like you literally physically can't take a break like your brain just starts going (15:03) When did that like start? (15:07) Like forever always not that they're not a childhood well (15:13) No (15:14) That's a great question.I don't know (15:16) The answer yeah to some extent I do think like yeah (15:20) I was probably wired this way from a very young age because I remember like (15:24) when I was learning math as a (15:26) child my grandma was like I need to fucking be not you wake you up in the middle of the night and you need to (15:31) Be able to fucking tell me the answer like (15:33) You can't be like slacking (15:36) Okay, you know what? (15:38) I think like when I was a kid like my mom put me into like every extracurricular activity possible like every (15:46) Hour of every day had to be taken up with something (15:49) So if it wasn't at school (15:50) Then there was all these like sports or camp or whatever like there was always shit that I had to be in (15:56) so then I think like obviously that must wire you to be that way because I I (16:03) Don't recall my parents ever teaching me about taking breaks (16:08) Yeah, no, like did you ever have that experience? I think the first time I took a break was when I got a fucking concussion (16:15) Yeah, so for like years of your life (16:17) The expectation was that you need to go go go go (16:22) Like stay busy be at school or be in sports or be doing whatever you need to be doing. Yeah (16:27) So yeah, I mean, I think it probably has a lot to do with how you're raised (16:31) But I don't even know because I would have to talk to somebody that maybe was raised with different (16:35) Expectations like is there anybody out there that was taught to take breaks? (16:41) And what is that like for you as an adult fuck you (16:45) But maybe it's fucked them up in other ways. Like maybe they feel like (16:49) They're lazy as shit.No, they procrastinate potentially like they have an issue with procrastination (16:55) That is interesting though that like I didn't really think about our childhoods really like fully coming into effect with that (17:01) I thought maybe because we had such big aspirations and work things (17:04) But it was like oh we actually like we did like 20 different fucking (17:07) Extracurriculars like and yeah, we didn't have any time for anything. Yeah, so that's wild. Yeah, I guess that pushes that (17:15) Yeah, just a thought (17:17) Don't do that to your children (17:19) Or do like who knows all I can say is just like if you go crazy when you're taking a break (17:25) Just know you're not alone.Yeah, actually like there's nothing wrong with you. I think yeah, there's something wrong with all (17:32) Well, actually and I feel like forcing yourself to take a break when you don't feel the need like you don't need to (17:37) Yeah, like when it's to the point where you're like at the brink like don't send yourself into psychosis like go take a break (17:45) Yeah, but you should also like really kind of try to push the bandwidth. I think a little bit see what you're made of (17:51) I (17:52) Agree, I like that's I think as part of learning kind of (17:56) Your work ethic and what you want out of your life and how hard you really like to work.Mm-hmm (18:02) You should learn your boundaries as well (18:05) Yeah, and you should know when to pause if it's to your detriment to keep going (18:10) Absolutely, we came full circle with talking about breaks. I think it was quite relatable though. Yeah (18:16) I'm sure there's a ton of you out there that are kind of like well (18:18) I don't really want to take a break or don't feel the need to take a break and we get it (18:22) When was the last time you let yourself just take time off of everything you're doing to just like rest and be with yourself (18:32) Yeah, I know I've never taken like a me time thing, you know, yeah these people talk about (18:38) These people who are these people (18:42) Anyway, I think maybe that's a good like, you know, yeah, I hope you guys take (18:48) Sometime to just be (18:50) with yourself (18:51) Yeah for whatever (18:53) Whatever that may look like for you whether it's like 10 minutes if that's all you can do at this point in time (18:58) I think it's still beneficial or if you can take a day to a day or if you can do longer than that then do (19:03) longer than that, but hopefully this is just your reminder that you don't have to (19:08) Wait for some occasion (19:10) That's true (19:10) Spend time with yourself.Oh (19:14) I'm gonna go spend some time with myself now and on that note (19:20) Okay, you house it's time for us to go (19:24) Thank you so much for listening and watching and we will see you next Friday
