Ep. 12: It’s Giving Identity Crisis
We’re living in a weird era where everyone is constantly visible, but very few people feel authentic.
Social media was supposed to be about connection. Somewhere along the way, it turned into performance. Not just for influencers or businesses, for everyone. Even people with private accounts and 200 followers still think about how they’re coming off, what a post says about them, and whether it’ll land “right.”
The result? A lot of people don’t know where their personality ends and their online persona begins.
Identity Became a Brand (Even If You Didn’t Ask for One)
Most people aren’t consciously trying to be fake. What’s actually happening is more subtle:
You notice what gets likes
You stop posting things that don’t
You lean into traits that perform well
You edit out the parts that don’t
Over time, you’re no longer sharing who you are, you’re sharing what’s been rewarded.
That’s how people end up feeling anxious before posting, empty after posting, or weirdly detached from their own content. You’re not expressing yourself. You’re managing perception.
Cancel Culture Didn’t Help
A big reason people curate so hard is fear.
Fear of being misunderstood. Fear of being screenshotted. Fear of saying something once that defines you forever.
When the punishment for being human feels disproportionate, people adapt by becoming safer, blander, and more strategic. It’s not authenticity, it’s risk management.
Ironically, this makes the internet less honest, more hostile, and way more boring.
Validation Is a Drug (And the Numbers Prove It)
Likes, views, followers… they’ve turned social approval into metrics. That changes behavior.
Instead of:
“Do I believe this?”
“Is this true to me?”
“Would I still say this if no one reacted?”
People default to:
“Will this do numbers?”
“Is this on-brand?”
“Will this make me look good?”
That shift matters. When validation disappears, a lot of content loses its purpose which is a pretty good sign it was performative to begin with.
A Few Brutally Honest Self-Checks
If you want to know whether you’re being real or just playing a role, try these:
1. The No-Views Test
If views were hidden, would you still post it?
2. The After-Posting Check
Do you feel calm, excited, and neutral or anxious and restless?
3. The Recognition Test
Would someone who knows you well recognize this version of you?
4. The Offline Audit
Does your real life back up your online narrative?
None of these are about being perfect. They’re about noticing patterns.
You’re Allowed to Be Private. You’re Allowed to Change.
Not everything needs to be shared.
Not every win needs to be posted.
Not every thought needs an audience.
Some of the healthiest people online are the ones who post less, care less, and live more. They still document their lives just not for approval.
And if you’ve changed over time? That’s normal. Growth doesn’t require a rebrand announcement.
The Question That Actually Matters
At the end of all of this, there’s one question worth sitting with:
Are you sharing to be understood or to be admired?
Neither answer makes you a bad person.
But being honest about which one it is changes how much control the internet has over you.
And that’s kind of the whole point.
