Ep.22: Is Your Circle Holding You Back?

You've probably had that moment. You look around at the people in your life and something doesn't sit right anymore.

Maybe it's the friend who subtly shuts down every idea you get excited about. Maybe it's the one who's a little too quiet when things go well for you. Maybe it's the person who hasn't said anything directly negative but the energy is just… off.

You feel it. And you've probably been ignoring it for a while.

Limiting Beliefs Are Contagious

The people around you don't have to say "I don't believe in you" for it to affect you. Most of them never will. But you feel the energy.

It shows up as the friend who calls your goals unrealistic. The one who responds to your excitement with silence. The person who makes you feel like you have the audacity to want something bigger when they've already decided bigger isn't possible for them.

That's projection. And it will bleed into your life if you let it.

If everything feels limitless in your brain and the people around you keep telling you to be realistic, that's not a reality check. That's their ceiling. And you don't have to live under it.

Cutting Off Negative People is Life Changing

We both know people who cut a single negative person out of their circle and everything shifted. Deals started closing. Energy came back. Things that were falling through the cracks suddenly weren't.

That's not a coincidence.

When someone is raining on your parade every single day, it doesn't just affect your mood. It affects your output. Your decisions. Your momentum. Your willingness to even try.

And the worst part is it happens slowly enough that you don't realize how much weight you've been carrying until it's gone.

It's Worse Than a Breakup

Outgrowing a friendship is harder than ending a relationship.

Because with a partner there's usually a clear moment. A fight. A betrayal. A conversation. Something breaks.

With friends it's not that clean. You have years of memories with this person. You remember the version of them from when you first met and you were on the same page. You're still attached to who they used to be, not who they are now.

And letting go of that feels like grief. Because it is.

The Ones Who Pray on Your Downfall

Some people keep you in their life because your struggles make them feel better about theirs. They're not rooting for you. They're watching.

When things are going well for you, they're the first to question it. When things fall apart, they're a little too comfortable. A little too available. A little too ready with the "I told you so" energy.

That's not friendship. That's an audience.

And if you recognize that dynamic in any of your relationships, it's time to go.

But Not Everyone Needs to Be Cut

Not every person who isn't on your level of ambition is a problem. Some of your best people might have zero interest in building what you're building but they're the first ones to say fuck yeah, I'm so proud of you.

Those people are not draining you. They're cheering for you. And those are the people you take on the trip.

The difference is simple. Are they supportive and positive even if they're on a different path? Or are they negative about your drive? Because the ones who are negative about your drive get cut regardless.

That's the line.

Your Partner Counts Too

This doesn't just apply to friends.

If your partner is jealous of your success instead of excited by it, that's a problem. If they think your goals are ridiculous or unrealistic, that's a problem. If you feel like you have to dim yourself to make them comfortable, that is a massive problem.

The person you're doing life with should believe everything is possible that you believe is possible. Full stop.

And if you ever catch yourself feeling envious of your partner's success? That's a you thing. That's therapy. That's not their problem to manage.

No Guilt When It's Earned

Have you ever felt guilty about making more money or being more successful than the people around you?

The answer should be no.

Because if you're building something real, the goal was never to leave people behind. The goal is to bring them with you. The homies are coming on the PJ. The parents are getting retired. Coachella is on you next year.

But here's the catch. That generosity only extends to the people who were genuinely in your corner. Not the ones who were hoping you'd fail so they could feel better about staying where they are.

Find Your People Even If They're Not in Your City

If you're in a town where nobody aligns with where you're going, that doesn't mean your people don't exist. It means they're somewhere else.

Find them online. Find them through content. Find them through events and communities and DMs and weird internet connections that turn into real ones.

Your circle doesn't have to be confined to your zip code. Some of the most important people in your life might be people you've never sat in the same room with.

The Ho-Work

Take out your phone. Right now.

Go through your last 10 conversations. Every single one. And ask yourself: is this person driving me forward? Do they support me? Do they want the best for me? Are they positive?

Or are they draining me?

Based on that answer, either make some changes or tell your circle thank you for being so amazing.

Because the people you keep closest are either the reason you're growing or the reason you're stuck.

Choose accordingly.