Ep.24: Are you a pick me?

If you've ever held back an opinion because you didn't want to be perceived as that girl, this one's for you.

Nobody Even Knows What It Means Anymore

The term got hijacked. Reality TV picked it up, influencers ran with it, and now it gets thrown around any time two women are beefing online. It used to just mean bitch. Now it means whatever the loudest person in the comment section wants it to mean.

For the record: a pick me is someone who goes out of their way to seek approval from a specific group, usually men, by distancing herself from her own demographic. Belittling other women. Performing interests she doesn't actually have. The "I'm not like other girls" of it all.

That's the actual definition. Not "any woman with an opinion you don't like."

Honestly we should bring back just calling someone a fucking bitch. It was simpler. It was clearer. We knew where we stood.

Liking Sports Doesn't Make You a Pick Me

This is where it gets stupid. We've both been called pick me's for having hobbies. For knowing about sports. For knowing about cars. For chiming in on a topic we genuinely have knowledge on.

You don't like sports because you're trying to get into a bunch of guys' pants. You like sports because you grew up around it and it's a relatable topic of conversation. That's it. There's no agenda.

But the second you speak up, someone's calling you a pick me. So now you're sitting in conversations holding back opinions you actually have, because you don't want to be perceived a certain way. That's insane. That's other people's insecurity becoming your problem.

If a hobby is genuinely yours, claim it. Stop downplaying yourself to make insecure people comfortable.

Pick Me Energy Always Comes Out When Men Are Around

Think about it. When was the last time you saw real pick me behavior in a room full of women? It almost never happens. Pick me energy needs an audience, and the audience is always male.

And the funniest part? They always end up looking dumb. Every single time. The pick me move never lands the way they think it's going to.

The Pick Me at Work

It looks different in a professional setting but the engine is the same. It's the coworker who never had a conversation with you privately, but in a group meeting goes, "Well, I asked you to do this and it never got done, so it would be nice if…"

She's not raising a concern. She's performing. She's trying to make herself look diligent in front of leadership while making you look like you dropped the ball. And she's banking on you being too polite to push back in real time.

Don't be polite. Push back in real time.

Stay calm. Keep your tone chill. Say, "We actually never had that conversation, but I have no problem doing that." That's it. You've corrected the record without losing your composure, and now everyone in the room watched her try it and watched it not land.

Then take it private after. "Don't ever do that to me again. If you have a problem with my work, talk to me. Don't try to humiliate me publicly because that won't go well for you."

You don't need to be aggressive. You just need to be unbothered and direct. Pick me's at work bank on you freezing up. The second you don't, the whole act falls apart.

Disagreeing With a Woman Doesn't Make You a Pick Me

This version of "pick me" drives us actually insane. You're allowed to have a different opinion than other women. You're allowed to side with a man if you genuinely agree with him. That's not pick me energy. That's having a brain.

We got called pick me's for saying we'd rather work with men sometimes because women can get more emotional at work. We're not saying women are worse. We're saying that when a woman can match a man's directness and not fall apart over feedback, she's better than him. We want women to get there. We are literally doing this podcast to help get them there.

Can a Pick Me Be Saved?

Therapy. Genuinely.

Pick me behavior is insecurity behavior. The need for male validation gets so loud that it becomes easier to tear down other women than to actually work on yourself. So if that's you, and you're reading this feeling a little called out, that's actually a good sign. It means you can fix it.

Find the root. Why do you need that validation? Why does it feel safer to align with men than with women? Who hurt you, and is it actually fair to take that out on every woman who walks into a room?

Confidence fixes pick me. Real confidence. The kind where you don't need to make someone else look small to feel tall.

And If You're On the Receiving End

Don't lose your composure. That's the whole game. They want a reaction. They want you flustered. They want you to look insecure so they can look better by comparison.

Stay calm. "What's your point?" said evenly, no edge will stop a pick me dead in her tracks. Because she didn't expect you to push back, and once you do, the whole performance falls apart in real time.

In life? Phase her out. At work, if you can fire her, fire her. If you can't, minimize your exposure. You don't owe energy to people who are actively rooting against you.

It's not me. It's you. And I will not be picking you today.

See you next week, you hoes.