Ep. 4: Hoe-liday tips!
This episode is about surviving work holiday parties with your dignity, your job, and your reputation intact. We’re talking boundaries, alcohol control, outfit politics, work wives, after-parties, and why December is when people expose themselves the most.
Consider this your annual reminder that coworkers + alcohol = liability.
The Holiday Party Lie
Every year we collectively gaslight ourselves into believing the work holiday party is “just for fun.”
It’s not.
It’s a professional event disguised as a vibe.
With open bars.
And men who’ve been waiting 11 months for plausible deniability.
If you’ve been pent up all year and this is your first open bar since Q1 — congratulations, you’re walking into a trap with confidence.
This is why we say:
Get drunk BEFORE. With friends. With girls. With family.
Get it out of your system so you don’t black out next to your VP.
The Scenario Every Woman Dreads
Imagine this: You’re married. Your husband has a “staff-only” holiday party. You’re at home being supportive and hot.
The next morning, curiosity hits. You creep his coworker.
Photo booth pictures. Too close. Too familiar. Borderline mouth-adjacent.
And suddenly you’re a cool girl fighting for her life.
Lesson: Always confirm if this party was really only for staff or if he didn’t want you theRe. Because men lie. And holiday parties turn work crushes into delusions.
Lesson 1: Hide Your Tits (This Is Strategic, Not Misogynistic)
Let’s be very clear… Your outfit at a holiday party is being judged. Not morally. Logistically.
Ask yourself:
If I bend over, am I still decent?
If I trip, is everything staying put?
If I dance, will HR remember my name?
If the answer is no — change.
Holiday party fashion should say:
“Old money”
“Board member”
“She could fire me”
Not:
“Bottle service”
“After-hours”
“Why is Slack quiet today?”
Hide your tits.
Keep your pussy in your pants.
This is not repression.
It’s career preservation.
Lesson 2: Alcohol Is Not Your Friend at Work
There are two types of people:
People who can control alcohol
People who think they can
At a work party, assume you’re #2.
Two drinks max. Three if you’re seasoned.
Anything beyond that and you’re gambling with Monday morning.
Because nothing is scarier than:
Vague memories
Office gossip
Someone saying “haha you were wild”
That’s not a compliment.
Lesson 3: The After-Party Is Where Careers Go to Die
The real chaos never happens at the official event.
It happens after.
Different alibis. Same people. Stories that don’t add up.
Phones exist. Screenshots exist. Group chats exist.
And men LOVE blaming alcohol for behavior they absolutely meant.
Protect yourself. You don’t need to be at the afters to be interesting. You need to be employed.
Lesson 4: Work Wives, Work Husbands, and Other Red Flags
Holiday parties expose emotional affairs like nothing else.
The hovering. The inside jokes. The “we just work really well together.”
No.
You just drink really badly together.
If something feels off — it probably is.
Trust your gut.
December is when people slip.
Final Takeaways (Write These on Your Soul)
✔ Get drunk before, not at work
✔ Hide your tits
✔ Dress like you own the company
✔ Two drinks max
✔ Avoid the afters
✔ Don’t be “that story”
Your work holiday party is not the time to discover yourself.
It’s the time to survive.
Cheers, you hoes.
See you next Friday. 🍸🎄
