Ep. 31: Why Can't Anyone Commit Anymore? Has Social Media Ruined Dating?
You go on a few good dates. You meet the family. You talk about marriage and kids. And then one day, gone. No conversation, no closure, nothing.
If that's happened to you, it's not just you. It's everyone. Modern dating is broken and we need to talk about why.
The Dating Crisis Is Real
This isn't us being dramatic. In 2000, 80% of people had dated someone in the last year. By 2024 that dropped to 43%. Half as many people are actually dating, and the ones who are keep getting treated like they're disposable.
Everyone connects fast, gets excited, goes on amazing dates, and then vanishes the second things get real. It's not the same dating we grew up with. It's something else entirely, and social media is sitting right at the center of it.
Social Media Made People Disposable
Back in the day you broke up with someone in person. You had no choice. You had a conversation. You ended things looking at another human being's face.
Now people unfollow you in real life. They had an energy exchange with you and then decided they could just swipe you out of their life in two seconds, no discussion required. The swiping, the liking, the following and unfollowing trained everyone to treat people like content instead of humans. You stopped being a person and became something to scroll past.
The "I'm Just Not in the Place Right Now" Speech
You've heard it. We've all heard it.
It always goes the same way. They're all in, talking about what they want out of life, marriage, kids, the whole thing. Then suddenly they're "stressed" or "anxious" or "just not in the place right now, focusing on my career." And we're not talking about 20 year olds here. We're talking early to mid thirties, running out of time, suddenly noncommittal out of nowhere.
The wildest part is they actually do want marriage and kids. They said it out loud. They just didn't want it with you, and instead of saying that, they hand you a script.
The Panic and Dip
You feel it before it happens. The texts start dwindling. The energy shifts. You go from one place to a completely different place and you just know.
And here's the thing women keep telling themselves: no no no, I'm just being crazy, I need to calm down. You're not crazy for noticing a pattern. Pattern recognition is a skill, not paranoia. The hard part is that once you've been through it enough times, you start bracing for it in every new connection, and sometimes you wonder if you're manifesting the exact thing you're scared of.
They Always Come Back
They ghost you, they disappear, they gut you. And then months later, sometimes years later, they come back.
Sometimes it's a direct reach out. More often it's quieter. They follow you again. They start watching your stories. They like your stuff out of nowhere. It's an ego thing. They want to know they still have the pull, that they could have you back if they wanted. It's not love, it's a boost. So please, do not let them back in. The moment you tolerate it once, it's locked in their head as the boundary you'll accept.
Situationships Vs Relationships
Here's the truth nobody wants to hear. There is no real difference between a relationship and a situationship except that one of you refuses to commit.
You do everything a couple does. You just don't get the label, because the label would mean accountability. And people think the no-label version protects them from getting hurt. It doesn't. A situationship ending often hurts worse than a real breakup, because at least a relationship usually comes with closure. A situationship leaves you with one question on a loop: what did I do? The answer is usually nothing. You being you was never too much. They just didn't want it, and you have to accept that.
Stop Shrinking Yourself for Men Who Don't Want You
So many women start auditing their own behavior, holding back, hiding what they want, all because they're scared that being themselves is what makes people leave.
We watched a friend do this recently. She held back from being supportive, from being herself, terrified it would read as "too much." It ended anyway. So you might as well be the full version of yourself, because the minute you shrink and they still leave, you'll convince yourself it's you. It's not you. It's their fear of commitment, and that's not yours to fix by becoming smaller.
Is It the Apps, or Is It Us?
The apps ruined us. They wrecked our beauty standards, how we see ourselves, how we see each other, and how we connect, or don't.
You're shopping for a human like you're scrolling a menu, and there's always something else one swipe away. Men especially get fed an endless stream of sexualized content designed to keep them engaged, and it bleeds straight into how they show up in real life when there's a real person in front of them. But getting off the apps isn't simple, because everyone's addicted. The apps just took what was already in people and gave it a place to run wild.
So Do We Have Hope?
It's been getting progressively worse, but it feels like we're hitting the breaking point. People are exhausted. They're craving real connection, going offline, romanticizing the pre-digital days for a reason. The pendulum always swings, and it's swinging back. People are leaving the apps in huge numbers. It just hasn't fully translated into real life yet.
If you want our actual advice: get off the apps and meet people in the wild. Say yes to every event and invite. Worst case, you make a friend or a good work connection and have a great time. And never, ever settle for some bum who doesn't even like you. We'd rather be single with no kids than stuck with a partner who's lukewarm about us. Hold out for the real thing.
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(0:00) I think we need to talk about the recent dating crisis that we have in this fucking nation. (0:06) Yes. (0:06) It's actually pretty bad.(0:07) Yeah. (0:08) I know you're like kind of out of the dating game right now, but I will gladly fill you in. (0:13) Right now.(0:13) On how fucking horrible it's gotten. (0:15) Hopefully forever. (0:16) I hope you never have to experience it again.(0:18) I hope he love locks down, you know? (0:20) Honestly, just watching what's happening to you guys out there in the field is keeping me... (0:26) You're doing our field research. (0:28) I'm just like shook. (0:29) Honestly, I am.(0:30) Actually, I'm the one doing the field research. (0:32) But I actually don't remember the last time I felt like I normally dated someone (0:38) because it just all seems like this illusion. (0:42) I don't really know how to explain it, but every time I've gone on dates, (0:46) it's like I think it's going well and then they're just fucking gone.(0:50) And I've just been like, okay, what the fuck are we doing here? (0:54) Is it like Sims characters trying to run around and date? (0:56) It's really weird. (0:58) It's not the same as when in high school when I dated. (1:01) Do you think that that's the last time that you experienced real old-fashioned dating? (1:07) Old-fashioned.(1:08) I mean, yeah, I would say yes. (1:11) Fortunately, I'm old enough, wise enough to have experienced both. (1:15) I've seen dating get progressively worse.(1:18) It is not the same social media has impacted it completely. (1:22) Everyone treats you like you're almost disposable. (1:25) The whole swiping, liking, following, unfollowing, (1:28) people now act like that in real life.(1:31) They unfollow you in real life. (1:33) That's the ghosting effect. (1:35) It's so fucking weird.(1:36) Or just like, oh, we had this energy exchange and then now we're never talking again. (1:41) And it's fine because I can just unfollow you out of my life in two seconds. (1:46) They're not having a conversation.(1:49) No. (1:49) Back in the day, we actually broke up with people in person. (1:52) You had no choice.(1:53) We had a conversation. (1:54) We were just anticipating that they were going to keep coming over to your house or vice versa. (1:58) Men used to converse.(1:59) Yeah. (2:00) Well, and women. (2:01) And women.(2:01) Yeah. (2:02) But I think like, yeah, for sure. (2:03) It's just from our perspective, obviously, we're women and we're friends with so many women.(2:08) So we hear the women's side all the time. (2:10) And it's fucked. (2:11) And it is fucked.(2:12) It literally seems like what I keep hearing about is like, oh my God, (2:18) like I'm like connecting so well with this person. (2:20) Like, I think this like might be like something big, you know? (2:24) They get so fucking excited. (2:27) They go on all these amazing dates.(2:28) They like meet the family, like literally. (2:32) It's all like heading. (2:33) There's no conversation whatsoever about like anything really being wrong.(2:37) Like they're talking about like what they want out of life. (2:39) Like I want to get married. (2:40) I want to have a kid, whatever.(2:41) Right? (2:41) Yeah. (2:41) And then one day they're like, oh, like, I don't know. (2:44) Like, I think things are like weird or maybe I'm like stressed out or anxious about it.(2:48) But I think like something's up. (2:49) And then it's like a couple more days go by and they're like, no, (2:53) like literally, I don't know. (2:54) Like something's up.(2:55) Something's fucking up is right. (2:57) And then either nothing, like full on ghost or like, yeah, (3:04) I just like thought about it and I'm just not like ready for anything serious. (3:08) I'm not in the place where I'm not in the place is the perfect exact line that they all use.(3:13) I just have so much going on, you know, I'm just focusing on my career right now. (3:17) And it's like, we're talking, we're talking mid thirties here. (3:22) Like early to mid thirties.(3:24) We're not talking like 20 years old. (3:25) I'm like, you are running out of time. (3:27) Like, do you realize you have 30 seconds? (3:29) And they do have the conversation where it's like, oh yeah, (3:32) I want to be married and have children.(3:34) So it's not like they don't want that. (3:36) Yeah. (3:36) They fully get into it.(3:37) That's why it's like, I think such a shock to the woman because she believes everything (3:42) that's coming out of this person's mouth because why would she not? (3:46) But then you hear about this happening over and over and over again. (3:49) I would just have such trust issues. (3:50) Yes.(3:52) That's exactly what happens. (3:53) I just feel like every single person that would be saying shit to me, (3:55) I would just think like, you're bullshitting bro. (3:58) Because I've heard it like 50 times and it always goes the same way.(4:01) I no longer believe anyone. (4:03) Do we actually know anyone who's gotten into a recent healthy relationship? (4:07) No, like literally everybody I know that's in a relationship has either (4:11) been in that relationship for years. (4:13) Like a fucking minute.(4:14) Or I don't really know anybody that's gotten into a new relationship. (4:17) Like I genuinely don't know anybody. (4:20) Yeah, no one.(4:21) And I concur. (4:22) Every time that I think it's happening, it ends abruptly. (4:28) And there's no real reason for it ending other than the person just being noncommittal, I guess.(4:34) I think the whole, even like dating apps in general, I think actually ruin dating in general. (4:38) Totally. (4:39) I am fully off them.(4:40) I've been on and off them. (4:42) They're horrible. (4:43) You're literally shopping around for a human, which is fucking weird.(4:46) But then we do know people that are in relationships like for years now. (4:50) Maybe Tinder, you know. (4:51) Yeah, from dating apps.(4:52) I know Tinder marriages. (4:53) Yeah, we do. (4:54) We do.(4:55) But then it's like so random. (4:58) Yeah. (4:58) Like they just got lucky.(4:59) Almost. (5:00) No, it's true. (5:00) But I think that was like the very beginning of it.(5:02) So people were actually like interested in taking it serious. (5:05) Now it's like, okay, the drags of society are on here. (5:07) It's pretty bad.(5:08) And I've gone on dates through, like I've done speed dating. (5:11) I've done like just regular like dating apps. (5:15) I've tried them all.(5:16) And the best way to meet someone is out in the wild. (5:21) It just stays tried and true. (5:22) You see them in their element, etc.(5:24) Like that's the only way that I can even think to meet people now. (5:28) Do you think that people are moving towards that more and more? (5:32) I think they are now because they see how bad it is. (5:34) Like there is no way that you can like just meet someone online anymore.(5:38) It is fucking, it's a travesty. (5:41) Yeah. (5:41) So I feel like everyone's kind of going back to the roots.(5:44) Everyone misses the early 2000s or the 90s. (5:47) Like we have this nostalgia for the good old days. (5:50) Yeah.(5:50) It's slowly crept in. (5:52) Yeah, totally. (5:53) Even like you kind of see that aesthetic online with like, (5:56) you know, the disposable cameras and stuff like that.(5:58) Exactly. (5:58) We are like craving. (5:59) Everyone's going more offline.(6:01) Like pre-digital age. (6:02) I concur. (6:03) Yeah.(6:04) So one of the stats that we read was that in 2000, (6:07) 80% of people had dated somebody in the last year. (6:10) And in 2024, it dropped to 43% of people had dated somebody in the last year. (6:17) That's fucked.(6:18) Yeah. (6:19) So the other study we read was that 77% of people have admitted that they ghosted (6:24) or have ghosted. (6:25) So 77% of people have ghosted someone.(6:30) I just think it's a lack of accountability in society as a whole (6:34) because you have this access to technology. (6:36) We can just shut off and disassociate. (6:39) Whereas back in the day, you had to face your problem.(6:42) Like you had to see them in person. (6:45) You couldn't just fuck off like that. (6:46) So like I had to break up with people in real time.(6:49) People had to break up with me in real time. (6:50) We had to end friendships in real time. (6:52) There was no IRL.(6:54) Like it is not online. (6:57) I think also because, you know, back in the day, (6:59) like if you wanted to hang out with someone, you could just go to their house. (7:02) Yeah.(7:03) You wouldn't need to like, like we do everything through our phones now. (7:07) Yeah, it's so fucked up. (7:07) Literally used to just show up with like a pizza and beer.(7:12) And it was just like, hey, neighbor, like let's hang out. (7:16) There was no like phone. (7:17) See, and I long for that.(7:19) I miss it. (7:20) Yeah. (7:20) So yeah.(7:21) But then over time, we've gradually gone to this place (7:24) where everything's done through your phone. (7:26) Yeah. (7:26) We pay our bills through our phones.(7:28) We order food through our phones. (7:30) We connect with everybody else through our phones. (7:32) So we just have this like ability to just completely like never face, (7:36) never have a face to face interaction.(7:38) Yeah. (7:38) That's fucking insane. (7:40) Well, and I think when you were saying how, you know, (7:41) how messaging would like dwindle and then someone would get ghosted.(7:44) Yeah. (7:45) Let's say. (7:45) Yeah.(7:46) I now personally do get that like panic and I know other girls too. (7:52) I noticed like pattern behavior through messaging because that's how we communicate. (7:57) So like if we started one place and then we are at a completely different place with like, (8:02) okay, it's been a couple of days now.(8:04) Like what are we talking about? (8:05) How can you go a day without discoursing with me? (8:08) That's crazy. (8:09) Well, that's what's so crazy. (8:11) So like, yeah, I was talking to a guy about this like a while back.(8:14) I was like, well, like, what was your connection like with this person? (8:18) Yeah. (8:18) And he's like, I don't know, like 12 texts a day. (8:21) 12 texts a day.(8:22) And I was thinking to myself, like, it's crazy that we measure our relationship based on texting. (8:28) Which is just. (8:29) Texting is so huge now.(8:31) But we have to because it's like, that's how people operate. (8:34) So to think that someone is like putting a number and associating that with how the relationship (8:39) is going is insane, but it's where we're at. (8:43) Well, and that's the thing.(8:44) I'm like, I don't even like texting, but I'm going to do it to be in communication with you. (8:47) Because how else? (8:48) I'd prefer to call or see you. (8:50) But yeah, not everybody is.(8:52) Not everyone can. (8:53) And not everyone exactly is on that level. (8:55) So when you see the change in like communication pattern.(8:57) Yeah. (8:58) It's like you get anxiety now because you're like, here we go again. (9:01) It's going to happen again.(9:03) And I know tons of women it happens to where they're like, no, no, no, I'm just nuts. (9:07) I need to calm down. (9:08) I'm like, you're not nuts for noticing a pattern.(9:11) But then I think like, are we all just manifesting it because we're all stuck in this cycle and we (9:16) all start to believe that that's what's going to happen. (9:18) So then it does happen. (9:19) Yeah, that's true.(9:20) Because manifestation is so real. (9:22) But then it's like, yeah, like it happens a couple of times. (9:24) And then now it's just like, now you're just predisposed thinking that's going to happen (9:27) again.(9:27) It's going to happen again. (9:28) And you're just like making it happen. (9:30) I really go into it with like the best intentions.(9:32) I know it could happen. (9:33) But I'm like, no, no, no, this is different. (9:36) Every fucking time.(9:37) And it's not. (9:38) It's literally not different every time. (9:40) I don't know how I'm still so like positive about it.(9:43) Yeah. (9:43) Can we talk about the craziest panic and dip that I've seen? (9:47) That you've seen. (9:48) That you've experienced.(9:49) Okay. (9:50) I actually like this a lot. (9:51) I don't want to relive my trauma, but I like when you talk about it.(9:54) I know. (9:55) But like, okay. (9:56) So years ago, you were dating this guy that was literally obsessed with you.(10:00) And I would say like, from my perspective, you didn't even really like him at first. (10:03) And I feel like I see this all the time with our friends where I'm like, they start seeing (10:07) this dude and they're just like, yeah, I don't really, whatever. (10:10) Like, I'll see what happens.(10:11) Like, I'll just. (10:12) And the dude literally goes like so fucking deep into it. (10:15) Like they like make you fall in love.(10:17) Like love bombing really is what it is. (10:20) And in your case, though, he really took it to the next level because you guys actually (10:24) dated. (10:25) Yeah.(10:26) For how long? (10:27) If I know who you're talking about. (10:29) Yeah. (10:29) We were friends for like three years and dated for like two long distance.(10:34) Like an actual full on long term relationship, you would say. (10:38) Like best friend turned boyfriend. (10:40) And then he invites you to go to his sister's wedding.(10:44) Right. (10:45) You meet like all this family. (10:46) Yep.(10:47) Have the best time. (10:48) Yeah. (10:49) And then he ghosts you.(10:52) Yeah. (10:53) Like a week after I came home, like one or two weeks, I noticed the pattern change. (10:57) It was like a week after I came home.(10:58) I noticed the dwindle and then it was straight up ghost like two weeks after. (11:02) Yeah. (11:03) Yeah.(11:03) Which like fucking destroyed me back in the day. (11:06) And then though, and this happens with every single woman I know. (11:09) Yeah.(11:10) They always come back around. (11:12) Always. (11:13) Like random.(11:14) Uh-huh. (11:15) Just like out of the fucking blue. (11:16) Like it could be a couple months.(11:17) It could be even years later. (11:19) But all of a sudden they're just like. (11:20) Back.(11:21) Back. (11:22) And like start. (11:23) And if it's not like a direct reach out, it's literally them like following you on social, (11:27) starting to watch your shit, liking your shit.(11:30) And you're like, what the fuck is going on here? (11:33) Exactly. (11:34) Like they want, I feel like it's a, it's weirdly like an ego thing when they do that. (11:38) They want to know that they have the ability to have it.(11:42) To have like the pull on you still. (11:44) Yeah. (11:45) Like if I wanted her, I could still just get her back at any moment.(11:48) So like, it's not a big deal that I gave her up type of thing. (11:51) Yep. (11:51) That's all it is.(11:52) It's like, it's literally a boost to their ego knowing. (11:54) So this is like, bitches, please do not do this. (11:57) When they do you like that.(11:59) Yeah. (12:00) Absolutely. (12:02) Move on from it.(12:03) You're busy. (12:04) You have a fucking life. (12:05) Yeah.(12:06) Live your life. (12:07) And if they come back, who? (12:09) Yeah. (12:09) Who are you? (12:11) Like, no.(12:11) Because the moment you accept that even once. (12:14) Yep. (12:15) It's forever in their brain that that that's the boundary.(12:18) Yeah. (12:18) That you're allowing and you're tolerating that behavior. (12:21) Because I know initially, because he did come back months later.(12:24) I entertained it fully because my frontal lobe was not developed. (12:27) I was just like a young girl, my early 20s. (12:31) Like, I'm so in love.(12:32) Yeah. (12:33) I will do literally anything. (12:34) The most desperado shit I am telling you.(12:36) Yeah. (12:37) And looking back now, I'd slap the shit out of myself for like, how I operated then. (12:41) Because now I would have been like, ew, bye.(12:44) And like, literally, you're never speaking to me again. (12:46) Yeah. (12:47) But they always come back.(12:48) Even this last year, he followed me on social. (12:51) Yeah. (12:52) It's been a decade.(12:54) It's been a decade. (12:55) Like, you're still thinking about it. (12:57) That's so fucking crazy.(12:58) Still thinking about me, but I didn't follow him back. (13:00) And then he kindly saw himself out because he knew I'm not tolerating. (13:04) Yeah.(13:04) Or else he would have stayed. (13:05) Well, I think the other part that is funny about that is typically, (13:08) they're in a new relationship at that point. (13:10) Yes.(13:11) Which makes it even more awkward and weird. (13:13) Because it's like... (13:14) Are you going to name your daughter after me? (13:15) Probably. (13:16) Like, that is so gross.(13:19) Like, cue the one who got away. (13:21) Yeah. (13:21) But yeah, like, basically, what we're talking about with all these... (13:25) You can't even really call it dating.(13:27) I think people really call it, like, these situationships, right? (13:31) Because they can't commit. (13:32) They can't commit. (13:33) So they have to label it as... (13:35) Something.(13:35) A non-relationship. (13:37) A situation-ship. (13:38) No, whoa, whoa.(13:38) We are not boyfriend-girlfriend. (13:40) Whoa, whoa, whoa. (13:41) What the fuck is the difference between a relationship and a situation-ship? (13:44) There quite literally isn't one other than the fact that you don't have to commit.(13:48) Yes. (13:48) Like, we can fuck. (13:49) And? (13:50) And we can do everything that we do.(13:52) Yeah. (13:52) Hubby-wifey. (13:53) But like, whoa, pump the brakes.(13:55) It's not that deep. (13:56) I think people think there is a difference (13:59) because they think they're not going to get hurt as much when it ends (14:02) if they haven't made it, like, serious in their own brain or whatever. (14:07) However, you still get hurt the same way.(14:10) Oh my god. (14:10) Like, most people you speak to sometimes say, actually, arguably, (14:14) a situation-ship ending is even worse than a relationship ending. (14:17) Because typically, with a relationship ending, you get, like, some closure.(14:21) Yeah. (14:21) There's, like, a deeper conversation that's had or whatever. (14:25) And with a situation-ship, you're left wondering, like, what? (14:28) What the fuck went wrong? (14:30) Yeah.(14:30) What did I do? (14:32) Yeah. (14:32) That's the number one question that's always on every bitch's mind. (14:36) What did I do? (14:37) Was I too crazy? (14:38) Was I too pushy? (14:38) It's like, no, you being you isn't too much.(14:41) They just don't want it. (14:43) Yes. (14:43) And you've got to accept that.(14:45) And do you think that it affects the way that you behave (14:48) in future situation-ship, relationships, whatever, interactions with men? (14:54) How can it not, right? (14:56) Because, again, you're just, you're recognizing patterns, (15:00) which is so unfortunate. (15:01) Because I think every time, like, I'll have a friend or, like, (15:05) a girlfriend who goes through a situation like that. (15:07) And they're like, never again.(15:09) But then they do meet someone. (15:10) And it's like, you see it happening. (15:12) I'm like, just let it, like, let it flow.(15:15) You have to give in at some point. (15:16) Because one of them is going to be your husband, (15:18) if that's what you're looking for. (15:20) Yeah.(15:20) And we had one recently. (15:21) I think one of our friends was going through something like this. (15:24) And she was, like, holding back from, like, being there for this person.(15:29) Because she was afraid that it was going to be perceived as too much. (15:33) By being supportive. (15:35) And they did, it did end up, it fucking, it ended.(15:37) It fucking ended. (15:39) Even though I was saying to her, like, be yourself. (15:42) Yeah.(15:42) Like, that's so sad that you have to, like, hide who you really are (15:46) and what you really want to be doing with this person. (15:49) Because you're afraid the same thing's going to happen as the last guy. (15:52) We're, like, auditing our behavior.(15:54) Because we're like, please don't leave. (15:56) Yeah. (15:57) And it's insane.(15:58) Because I'm like, the minute you get more yourself and they dip, (16:01) you're like, cool, it's literally me. (16:03) Yeah. (16:03) That's what everyone thinks.(16:04) And it's not. (16:05) It's, like, their, the person's fear of the committing. (16:08) Yes.(16:08) It's not you. (16:09) It's just how relationships are right now. (16:13) Yeah.(16:13) It's where we're at in society as a whole. (16:16) People are non-committal. (16:17) Lack of commitment is the new black.(16:20) Have you ever pretended to not give a shit about somebody so you wouldn't get hurt? (16:25) Yeah. (16:25) Like, I'm a Capricorn. (16:27) It's literally my life.(16:29) I do all the time. (16:30) I'm very, like. (16:31) Did it work? (16:31) Cool girl, chill girl.(16:32) No. (16:34) I cry alone in my room. (16:36) Oh, that's so sad.(16:37) No one knows. (16:38) A lot of women go through that, though. (16:40) Yeah, they do, for sure.(16:41) Like, you're not alone. (16:42) Honestly, probably men, too. (16:44) I hope so, you fuckers.(16:46) But, like, actually, like, the last thing that happened to me. (16:49) Yeah. (16:50) I was, like, so, I got myself excited about it.(16:53) Even though deep down I knew, like, I knew what was gonna happen. (16:58) Yeah. (16:59) And maybe that's manifestation.(17:01) But I'm, like, I knew what the right call should have been. (17:04) But I just wanted it to happen. (17:06) So I let it flow.(17:08) And got fucking gutted low-key. (17:10) And I was just, like, okay, called it a day. (17:13) And I was very cool, calm, and collected about it.(17:16) Because I'm, like, I don't want. (17:17) I think that's another point, too, though. (17:19) Is I do feel like because of how fucked all these relationship experiences are for women, (17:24) women have gotten a lot more business-minded about ending it.(17:29) Because they're just, like, okay, here we go again. (17:30) The contract's over. (17:32) Like, yeah, holy shit.(17:33) Of course we're having this conversation. (17:35) Like, okay, yeah, I don't give a fuck. (17:37) Goodbye.(17:37) That's pretty much, like, I... (17:39) And then sometimes the man has the audacity. (17:41) Well, probably most times where they're like, (17:43) but, like, I really, like, you're so chill. (17:45) And I just, like, want to be, like, friends.(17:49) That happened to one of our girlfriends recently. (17:50) Where he's like, but I'd still like to be friends. (17:52) She's like, I'm not gonna be friends, bro.(17:55) Like, are you fucking crazy? (17:57) After everything that just happened, we're gonna be friends? (18:00) Again, it just goes back to this mentality of, like, social media. (18:04) Yeah. (18:04) Like, I'll still like your stuff.(18:06) The swiping, the unfollowing, everything. (18:08) I do, like, I genuinely think it's completely, like, (18:11) it's made people look at humans as, like, not human. (18:16) Yeah, just objects.(18:17) An object, exactly. (18:18) Or content. (18:20) That's crazy.(18:21) Like, I really do think, like, it's been brought into day-to-day life (18:24) and it makes them disassociate, right? (18:27) Like, move on from the feeling, have no accountability, (18:30) don't have to attach and can detach. (18:32) And also, don't you think that to some extent, (18:34) some relationships are literally only happening because of social media? (18:40) Yes. (18:41) Like, not that they've, like, connected on social media, (18:44) but that, yeah, they want that sort of aesthetic.(18:47) Yes, 100%. (18:49) I know tons of people, there's one chick I know (18:51) who literally, like, got out of a relationship (18:52) and she realized everything was just because of Instagram. (18:55) Like, he was her Instagram husband vibe.(18:57) That's so gross. (18:58) Disgusting. (18:59) You know they're doing bad when they're all over IG.(19:01) Oh, totally. (19:02) Yeah, we've talked about this before too, (19:03) where it's just, like, the more your partner is on your feed, (19:07) the more sus it is. (19:08) Yeah, I can get it.(19:09) Yeah. (19:09) Because it's, like, we don't care. (19:12) Like, sometimes it's cute, you know? (19:14) Like, a family photo, wedding photos, whatever, I get it.(19:16) But, like, every goddamn day, like... (19:19) Every goddamn day. (19:20) Look at how much we love each other. (19:21) Look at how, like, I'm on his fucking dick.(19:24) Yeah. (19:24) It's just, like, Kate, like, who are you trying to prove to (19:27) that you love this person or vice versa? (19:28) Or that he loves you, right? (19:30) Yeah, exactly. (19:31) Do you think, well, I know you kind of asked me this, like, (19:33) is it really the apps? (19:35) But do you think maybe, like, all this is happening (19:38) because of social media and all the apps and everything? (19:40) Or do you think it's just kind of always been there, (19:43) but it's just exposed that part of us? (19:45) My immediate response would be yes, the apps did ruin us.(19:48) Yeah. (19:49) They ruined us in so many ways. (19:50) Yeah.(19:51) Our beauty standards, how we perceive ourselves, (19:53) how we perceive others, connections with humans in general, (19:56) and relationships. (19:57) Yeah, I think they've ruined everything. (20:00) And it's not... (20:00) But it's not as simple as just saying, like, (20:02) so let's just get off the apps.(20:03) Because, like, everyone's not going to get off the apps. (20:05) We're fucking addicted. (20:07) And I think men in general have it even worse (20:11) because the apps are just constantly feeding them (20:14) sexualized content.(20:15) Yeah, that's true. (20:16) They need people engaged in looking at content all the time. (20:19) And what is a typical man going to engage with the most? (20:22) Tits and ass.(20:23) Literally. (20:24) Like, actually. (20:26) Tits and ass.(20:26) And it's better than the tits and ass that's right beside them. (20:28) Because it's fake news. (20:29) There's so much selection.(20:31) It's like a fucking menu. (20:32) It's literally like the Cheesecake Factory. (20:35) Any man you speak to that's, like, in their 50s or 60s, (20:38) if you ask any man that's, like, older about social media, (20:43) they will all say, like, (20:45) I don't know how men these days are even able to be in a relationship.(20:48) My dad has even said that. (20:49) Yeah, because even they get fed the shit. (20:51) But they're in a little bit of a different mindset (20:53) because I think they didn't grow up with that.(20:55) They grew up with fucking porn magazines, you know? (20:57) They would have to go to the video store (20:58) and fucking rent a porno to see naked chicks. (21:01) Like, it was not accessible. (21:03) Like, open your eyes and there it is in your fucking face.(21:08) Like, no matter what you do, you can't get away from it. (21:12) And they, yeah, I think, like, social media preys on that aspect of men. (21:16) And then it translates into their real-life relationships with women.(21:19) Because, yeah, like, no shit is on your mind all the time. (21:22) Yeah. (21:22) It's being fed to you all the time.(21:24) And they're animals. (21:25) So, like, it is what it is. (21:26) They're more sexual.(21:27) At the end of the day, they just are. (21:29) Yeah. (21:29) Like, they're wired for that.(21:30) Exactly. (21:31) They're wired to fucking literally just breed. (21:33) Yeah.(21:34) They're animals. (21:35) Totally. (21:36) What is the one thing that you feel like you would tell somebody that's dating right now? (21:39) Don't go on the apps.(21:41) I would say, like, go out in person. (21:43) The best way you're going to meet someone authentically, like, (21:46) you have to get outside. (21:47) Like, it's go to a coffee shop, go to a bar, (21:50) say yes to every opportunity and event that people invite you to.(21:53) It is a lot of work, but you will meet people that way. (21:56) That's how I meet everyone now. (21:58) And at the end of the day, it ends up being like a good work networking opportunity too.(22:01) I might make some new friends. (22:02) Like, my worst case scenario is I have a great time. (22:06) Yeah.(22:06) So I think that's just, (22:08) we all have to, like, get off social and meeting people that way. (22:11) Like, no fucking DMing. (22:12) Do you, like, have hope? (22:15) Do I have hope? (22:16) Do you have hope? (22:16) For the generation or myself? (22:18) No, for the generation.(22:19) Like, do you have hope that people will get better? (22:24) Or do you feel like it's just progressively getting worse at this point in time? (22:28) I think it has been progressively getting worse, but it's to the breaking point. (22:34) So people are going like, you know what, fuck this. (22:36) And you are seeing people go offline more.(22:39) And they are having the nostalgia of real human connection. (22:43) Yeah. (22:43) So I genuinely think there is going to be a turning point.(22:46) Yeah. (22:46) Because it's the same with, like, anything. (22:49) You know, the pendulum keeps swinging, right? (22:51) Yeah.(22:51) So I think we went so far that people are like, (22:55) no one's going to be getting married and having kids. (22:57) It's all, like, we're going to, like, the race will die. (22:59) Well, yeah, I think I did see, actually, (23:01) that there's a huge percentage of people that left Tinder and Pinge or something (23:06) in, like, the last couple years.(23:08) Like, so people are leaving the apps for sure. (23:11) And I think you do see less and less people on Instagram, for example. (23:15) So I think there is some sort of shift, (23:17) but I just don't think it's fully translated to the actual experience in real life yet.(23:22) That's the thing. (23:23) It's going to take some time there. (23:24) Yeah.(23:25) But, like, I do have hope. (23:27) I think, like, people will get so fed up that they're like, I just want a partnership. (23:32) Yeah.(23:32) Like, you will snap eventually if that's what you really want. (23:35) And you just need to make sure you find someone who is in that same mindset (23:39) and, like, don't fucking settle for anything less (23:42) because you're just going to be unhappy. (23:44) There's no point.(23:44) I'd rather be single, no kids, than have some bum ass partner who doesn't really like me. (23:51) Yeah. (23:51) So I will hold out for that.(23:53) Yeah, agreed. (23:55) No, I totally agree with you. (23:57) Never settle.(23:57) Never fucking settle. (23:59) Well, okay, you hoes. (24:00) I guess it's time for us to go.(24:02) Thank you so much for listening and watching, and we will see you next Friday. (24:05) Bye.
